Been back in HK for almost a week now. I don’t want this blog to become a litany of every ache and pain and whinge and moan and complaint, but I do want to it to be a frank, open and honest record of my experience with RA… mainly because my recall has apparently gone to sh*te. Never mind a memory like a sieve, mine’s a colander.
So: worst jetlag ever. I’ve not been able to fall asleep until gone 3-4am since returning (5:30am on the first night after I got back) so I’ve been stumbling around in the throes of sleep deprivation. Good news: Stilnox. My doc assures me that it’s fine to take in addition to the one billion other meds I am throwing down my throat on a daily basis.
New (!) ailments to record:
- Acute conjunctivitis which seems to have spontaneously developed overnight; this morning, I couldn’t even open my right eye because of the swelling and the general gumminess of my eyelids, blargh.
- The nail on the second toe of my right foot has turned black, after I stubbed it once on a wooden stool, once on a table leg and then caught the nail on the inside seam of my jeans (I know!) while I was getting dressed and promptly ripped the whole thing almost completely off. Blargh again.
- Blood pressure is raised. This worries me because it’s always been a point of relief (and pride) that no matter what other health issues I’ve had, my BP has always been reliably normal. Is it a side-effect of my meds? Or HK + stress?
- Some tightness in my chest. Side-effect? Or the utter crap that passes for air in HK? Seriously, we aren’t meant to be able to literally see the air that we breathe.
- Underlying headache and fatigue. Side-effects? Or again, HK + stress? Who knows.
- Almost forgot ~ on way to rheumatologist appointment a couple of days ago, the taxi I’m in gets rammed by a van trying to push into our lane. On the highway. At speed. My thought on impact: “Omfg I’m so over this shit.” Fortunately, no one went home bleeding and I still got to my appointment on time. Result!
The one upside of all this is that when a symptom abates even just a little, the surge in my mood is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before; ‘euphoria’ would be an overstatement but it comes close. I feel as if I should apologise for the insane rollercoaster of mood swings and emotions, but then I think, why? (And hey, just to keep things fun, let’s throw in pre-menopause and bonkers hormones as well! Woohoo!)
I hate all this. I hate feeling less than myself. I don’t want to be defined by RA. It’s only been a few weeks, but it’s already been the biggest mindf*ck ever.